I’ll Be Whatever You Want for 50 Bucks By Scott Simmons

I like to wear elegant sequin dresses and red stilettos.

My dresses were often tight to show off my curves and my crouch bulge.

I ensured Adam’s apple was proportional to the chocker I wore.

And my sense of self respect was much smaller than my fake tits.

Selling my ass to old weirdos on craigslist has always my true calling in life.

I’ll admit it’s though hard to be a beautiful woman these days.

But 50 bucks is still just 50 bucks.

Scott Simmons is a professional nudist at Harvard university and claims to have been probed by aliens over 15 times in one day.  He is currently in a mental hospital searching for the unicorns that stole his cereal where he will not be mocked by Elmo anymore. You can also find his artwork scrawled in the bathrooms of every member of One Direction.

Call 832-802-9430 for his supper sexy lawn/manscaping service.